It was not until someone handed me Harville Hendrix’s book, Keeping the Love You Find, did I finally understand my role in the dysfunctional. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. created Imago Harville: We wrote Keeping The Love You Find to address that. Keeping the Love You Find. By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., ISBN 5 star must reading. [The following is what I highlighted during my read of this.

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Unreliability of others, abandonment; loss of parent partner. Being that I was raised by a mother who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder BPDI was able to come to a greater understanding of what my issues have been and even more importantly, create an action plan to heal and date with intention! The shame may feel paralyzing.

I believe in the transforming power of love. Return to Book Page. How Can I Break the Pattern? Some good information, a bit heavy on the psych stuff at times, hendrlx a godawful horrid cover design. Harville holds a Ph. He specializes in working with couples in private practice, teaching marital therapy to therapists, and conducting couples workshops across the country. Rape, in particular, has nothing to do with sexual pleasure, and everything to do with the lack of, or denial of, pleasure.

Keeping the Love You Find – Harville Hendrix – Google Books

I reccomend this book to fijd especially single readers. He never should’ve even brought it up. Everything that lives, lives not alone nor for itself.

Marriage itself, properly understood, is the therapy we need to grow and become wholeto return to our innate joyful state. To muffle the alarm, the detached child numbs his body and voids his feelings, vastly constricting—minimizing—his life energy.


You always have to win.

Keeping the Love you Find

He also comes across as homophobic evidenced even before the first chapter. You have a distorted sense of yourself. Unconditional love—or, more accurately, unconditional giving—has not been in vogue in recent times.

It takes two to create this warped ballet. We are inherently androgynous creatures, embodying both male and female energy….

Keeping the Love you Find – Imago Public Site

The wall to love is self-hatred; in order to let love in, the wall must come down. I like to compare marriage to a rafting trip down the Colorado River. It is a crisis that can lead to reintegration—or to disintegration and increased male-female lvoe. Growing Pains Uncovering the Wounds of Childhood.

The creation story of woman being fabricated from the rib of man reflects the patriarchal society from which it emerged; it is a social rather than a biological reality.

In a conscious relationship there is hendrox criticism. Knowing what to expect will prepare you for the challenges you will face. Unavailable; has no feelings; a rock wall. Here are a few quotes that I thought were most interesting or telling about the current state of marriage in our country and the author’s ideas that I thought that rang true.

The author says that by consciously acknowledging these issues, using dialogue, and committing to behavior change motivated by love for your partner, is the only way each can heal. In choosing to remain single henddix are accepting a cap on our development and ignoring the directives of the unconscious at our peril. Love, if it appears at all, appears in a marriage, as a result of our commitment to healing our partner.

With Keeping the Love You Find, renowned relationship therapist and bestselling author Harville Hendrix will help you to: There are a lot of di I read this coupled with another relationship book about moving on from past relationships.

Hendrix takes the reader on an in-depth journey of various childhood ills that if not healed prior to a relationship will surely manifest in a relationship. Initiate closeness; share feelings; increase time together; integrate positive and negative traits in partner. Oct 25, Rachel rated it really liked it Recommends it for: In other words, we get involved with people who have the negative and positive traits of our major caretakers.


Hyperemotional, uncompromising; demanding, then giving in. Until that is learned, you cannot relate to others; you can relate only to yourself. We mate, we nurture the offspring of our mating, we work, eat and sleep, and we play. Got this book because it’s the sequel to Getting the Love You Want: No healing is possible until the truth is out in the open.

Competitive; aggressive; puts partner down. It feels exciting, and slightly terrifying! In the next three chapters we will look at how the messages of socialization mold our personalities so that we repress certain essential aspects of ourselves…. Relationship Resources — Communication problems? The illusion of romantic love is that it blinds us to the negative aspects of our Imago choice. Clinging; demanding; attempts to fuse.

The love that is essential to our healing must come from the Imago match, and a partnership—committed, continuous, consistent—is the process through which we heal and regain our original wholeness and full aliveness.

It is altered only by concrete experience.

I personally never found a partner who was willing to do this and he also addresses this as well. Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it. Who you are is who you attract.

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